Spider was a kitty that lived with The Mad Cat Lady for 18 years. Spider’s sibling, also 18 years old, survives.
Though you probably come here for light humor, a chuckle, we know our animal companions live too short lives, something we will inevitably face at some point in our lives.
My blogo-friend, The Mad Cat Lady, came to that point yesterday, September 2, when her beloved Spider died in her arms. This post is dedicated to her and her beloved Spider. I send her hugs and tears for her Spider. Spider died from a mouth cancer.
She writes:
Spider left this world very peacefully at around 13:20 hrs today, 2nd September 2017, in the comfort of our own home. I held him in my arms until his last breath and for a few minutes afterwards, before my vet Marga took him away to be cremated, and I will receive the urn with his ashes in about a week to 10 days’ time.
I have been around friends all afternoon which really helped take my mind off things, but now, being at home, it is really hard because everything reminds me of him. The sheet that he died on even smells of him still, but after spending 5 minutes sniffing it and crying into it, I told myself that I need to move on and I put it in the washing machine. I have never been one for living in the past, and even though Spider’s passing is going to hurt for a long time to come, I have to be strong and look after his twin brother Lugosi (also 18 years old) and his half sister Ruby, and I also need to look after myself – something which I have not been doing for that last few weeks since Spider’s cancer diagnosis.
I told Spider before he left this world, that time works differently “up there” and that for me it will be many years before we meet again, but for him it will just be like an hour and then I will be right there again with him in no time. And Lugosi too.
I just stopped crying for about 10 minutes and now it’s starting again. But most of you will know what losing a pet is like, so I know you will understand. Rest in peace, Spider, my beautiful boy.
If you have a moment, please leave Barbarella (The Mad Cat Lady) a note of condolence. She needs a world-wide hug just now. Thank you.
My deepest sympathy to Barbarella on the loss of her companion cat, Spider. Spider will get daffodils in the garden here in his memory. He is not far from her, only just out of sight and never far from mind. There is a song she can can find on YouTube by Don Conoscenti called “The Other Side”. It will make one cry, but also bring peace.
Thanks, Lavinia. I’m sure Barbarella will appreciate your thoughtfulness. Incidentally, Marianne will be here come Wednesday, and got to see the memorial our friend Deborah and I set up in Maine. She (Marianne) was appreciative of the memorial you planted for Elbert.
Thank you so much, Lavinia.
Ah so terribly sad. Poor Spider’s sibling…
That would be the hardest part of acceptance, I think. How does one get it across to an animal that a companion will never come home?
I think he understands, but it just breaks his heart.
I think there is awareness that the companion is gone, though it may not be clear why. It would be good to have a Dr. Dolittle capability to hear what they have on their minds and to be able to share grief with them on a level that helped them through loss.
Well, I’m taking him to the vets tomorrow. He’s not acting normally and very lethargic – it might be grief, but he’s as old as Spider, so I will have to get him checked for other things too. Fingers crossed…
Oh dear. Best wishes for Lugosi. You are wise to assume the possible worst and get it checked out at the earliest point. I got the impression your veterinarian is very good, and she doubtlessly will give you something to help poor Lugosi if his lethargy is grief-related. A good veterinarian is so important! I’m fortunate that Dr. David, my kitty boys’ veterinarian, is a compassionate, competent small animal doctor because where I live, the typical veterinarian is more involved with care of cattle, horses or other farm animals than they are with companion animals.
Yes, my vets are fantastic. Although, right now, my favourite vet at the practice is on holiday until Friday, and she also was not the one who sent Spider to sleep, which was a bit sad, but at least I spared *her* from having to do it. She loved Spider so much too! And she adores Lugosi. 🙁
That would be the hardest part of being a veterinarian, I think. Like human doctors, people who chose that career typically do it because of their compassion for and love of their future patients.
I agree.
I actually just wrote a post about that last night:
http://www.themadcatlady.com/12/09/2017/lugosi-grieves-for-his-twin-brother/
I shared that to Facebook, and it is, of course here as well. Very similar to how people grieve.
Thank you! 🙂 I don’t know if it’s similar… like I said, we don’t really know exactly what is going through their little heads, but we DO know that they DO grieve.
Exactly. It helps reading what other people have experienced with their companion animals at these times.
Oh I have read, yes. Poor little dears.
Thank you. Lugosi, his twin bro, is very down and depressed right now. I am watching him closely, of course, and am terrified that he will soon follow his brother too. But in the meantime, I will love him every day, minute, second!!!!!
So heartbreaking to see them go <3 I so hope for Lugosi to recover.
Barbarella is concerned for him, but is doing what she can to ease his loss, too. That said, I hope so, too.
I know how if feel this unconditional love
That your pet gives you,and for the most part all they want is a soft pet
So sad to hear that we lost a pet in our community, I can feel it all the way her,As Sheldon Always
Me, too. I surprises me sometimes how strong my reaction is to the sad news of others.
Thank you so much for your compassion. *wipes tears from eyes*
Condolence to you lady. I know its hard for you.
Thank you.
Loosing a cat is as loosing a friend.So sad but 18 years is a big time.Hope she can giving it a place.
All of her cats have been blessed with long life, thanks to her loving care. That makes Spider’s passing all the harder. He just had his 18th birthday a short time before he passed.
Spider & Lugosi turned 18 in July. Here’s are a couple of links with photos and videos from their party.
http://www.themadcatlady.com/31/07/2017/lugosi-and-spider-are-18-today/
http://www.themadcatlady.com/02/08/2017/lugosi-spiders-18th-birthday-party-video/
Then I didn’t know that he would be dead only 5 weeks later. It all happened so quickly. But I am so grateful that he still made it to be 18, that is quite something, bless him.
I agree, Barbarella, but I’m not surprised you have long-lived cats based on what I see when I read your blog. They live in a cat heaven, are well-cared for, and clearly well-loved.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Pingback: Dealing with my grief after losing Spider | The Mad Cat Lady
Oh man, just reading through all your comments again, I am in tears once more. Thank you all so much for your heartfelt words, without them I would be even more lost.
That’s what we are here for, as far as I’m concerned. You did have a bit more than 18 years with Spider, and it has to be unbearably sad to know you will never see or hold him again.
Awww, don’t even say that. The thought of it just hurts too much.
Understood.
Cats love to eat spiders 🙂
My two love, love, .love spiders! And, yes, they will eat them!
My heart goes out to the lady. A cyber hug of support sent. X
Always hard, but it must be heart crushing to have companionship for 18 years and losing Spider.
it is such a sad moment and it is such a hard time we go through after we lost a furkid, a friend and a soulmate… hugs to Barbarella and hugs to all who are sad… our tears are like diamaonds and every tear is precious because it is for a friend we will never forget…
How true, and I hope Barbarella feels the love and concern of us all while she adjusts to her loss.
I wanted to leave a comment, but her blog asked for me to sign up so I’ll just leave it here:
Another cat shaped hole in our hearts. Are we mad to put ourselves through it over and over again?
Yes, that is a road block if your aren’t already signed up like I am. I will leave her a link to my blog post on Spider wo she can read all of the thoughts and consolations from you and others reading about Spider here.
I think you are somehow right about how allowing ourselves to somehow forget the pain of losing a furfriend and adopting another fragile life. I mean, I agreed to take Andy when I picked up the ashes of Louie the ginger cat two weeks after he died. I was instantly in love with the little fluffball when he walked over to investigate me, and then, later, I agreed to take on his brother, Dougy, because they played well together. There will be a day when they will pass and I will be heart-broken. I know it and dread that day.
As I dreaded the day I had to take my tom to the vet in a one-way tour … And that day came … they always come.
Unfortunately. And it never is easy, no matter how much one prepares mentally for that day.
No. You think you’re gonna be alright, and then it’s like someone comes and rips out part of your heart.
It does feel that way, beyond doubt, another reason it is good we cat, dog, and other animal companion bloggers can be there for each other when we have to deal with this hardest part of our contract with our animal companions.
Yes, we are there for each other. But I still feel so very much alone with my grief, because well, grief is always very personal and whatever people do or say, it doesn’t make it better really. Or maybe it does – because I could actually not imagine going through this without all of you! 🙂
I added the video you just posted to the post I did for Spider. It is such a wonderful remembrance, and I think it shows just how much you have to miss Spider because it shows how much fun and joy he was to have around. In the final analysis, you are right: no matter how much others share our sorrow, we truly do grieve alone. More hugs, Barbarella, because I know Lugosi and Ruby have to be lost, not knowing where their brother is just now. Not being able to tell them makes their own sorrow hard to see and live with.
Thank you for adding that. And thanks for the “more hugs” 🙂
Of course I am here for Lugosi and Ruby. More so now actually, because I feel that I have neglected them over the last few weeks, after Spider’s diagnosis and trying desperately to find some sort of miracle for him, and then nursing him until the end… 🙁
I bet you are spending more time now with Lugosi and Ruby, and they probably need you as much as you need them.
Ruby seems to have become very clingy and cuddly suddenly, both with me and with Lugosi, and yes, I am spending more time with them now.
I think that’s sweet. Perhaps she needs you as much as you need her, but either way, you both benefit at this sad time. Likewise, Lugosi needs someone to help him deal with his brother’s passing.
Yes, we’re all there for each other!
Very much so. That’s one nice thing about people who keep animal companions.
Hugs to you, Barbarella, from Olympia, Washington, USA. I know the pain of losing a dear cat, and my heart goes out to you.
I will leave a link to this post so Barbarella can read your and others thoughts and consolations on the passing of her beloved Spider.
thank you, Anne.
No matter how much it is expected, it is always such a tragic loss!
You are so right. I have the thought that I could die before my kitty boys, but life never is that predictable of convenient.
Yes, my mother-in-law went before her beloved Missy (Missy looks just like your guys), and even though my step-daughter takes excellent care of the kitty, Missy is still bereft.
Further evidence they are family, I think.
But of course!
so sorry to hear of her loss. Her message brought tears
I cried, too. I’ve followed her blog for a time, and Spider, Lugosi, and Ruby are among my top favorite Internet kitties.
I didn’t know Spider or his mom but can identify the feelings. I lost a good furry buddy that was 17 and I swear I was rocked through to the bone. No one could console me…I certainly understand where she is right now. Purrayers for a smooth transition.
Jean
I hope our thoughts, virtual hugs, and words of consolation help, Jean. Yes, it is tough, especially when one’s had the furbuddy so long.
Very sad to hear. It’s never easy to lose ones best friend. RIP Spider.
Barbarella is very close to her kitties, and they are very much family to her. I feel terrible about Spider’s passing, too, and I hope everyone’s comments on her blog and here let her know many people care around the world.
I know what you mean. Benji and Ms. Z. are my family too. You want to protect them with all your might. It’s hard to let them go. And then there is society who is generally not ready to see them as family which makes mourning so much harder. Wishing Barbarella strength.
Fortunately, among those who have fur buddies of any species (or birds, reptiles, sometimes even fish, etc.) there is an understanding of how they become family, then how it feels when they leave us through death or by going missing. Understanding that, I am particularly glad so many people following this have left support for Barbarella in this difficult time. Spider was, after all, part of her family for a very long time.
Thank you Anarette. 🙂
Our pets become such a huge part of our lives. It’s devastating when we lose them. Off now to share my condolences.
So true. I’m leaving a link to this post with her so she can know she is not alone in her grief.
That is so sad. Even when they live a long life, it is never long enough.
Too true. I only had Louie the ginger cat 22 months, yet his death brought me down terribly.
I went to the site and checked out the lovely photos of Spider. Oh my. Sad to lose a buddy. 😿😢💔
I could not keep reading because my eyes started to well up, my nose started to run and my jaw got really tight. Oh the loss of our little furbabies is so incredibly heartbreaking.
I had a hard time typing condolences to Barbarella, then doing the weggieboy’s blog post for the same reason. It took me a long time to sort my way through the tears and the errors that cropped up because I was typing blind. Thanks to following The Mad Cat Lady blog for some time, I felt like I knew Spider quite well, and I will miss his contribution to that blog.
I don’t know why I feel sad for those of people’s cats I’ve never met. It’s not that I reminisce about any cat I’ve lost either.
There is another cat blog I follow: Steinbeck and Hemingway … And when the previous orange tabby died a tragic death I just bawled. I don’t even know the blogger or those cats! I’m not sure why I get so attached.
And if and when … Ugh … I hate to bring it up … Your little guys go you will not be alone in your grief!
On a side note, I belong to a neighborhood social networking group called Nextdoor; so many neighbors post about their missing kitty. My heart breaks for all of them too because I know that hollow worrying feeling when your cat does not come home.
Thankfully your little buddies and mine are indoor dwellers … One less thing to worry about! We have to enjoy our little furry buddies while we can and provide comforting words as best we can to those who lose their kitties.
I feel sad every time I read someone’s blog telling of a furbuddy – any species – dying. I do think about the time I will have to deal again with this. When Louie the ginger cat died, I swore I wouldn’t get another pet…then I got two! I confess, the power of a kitten appeals to every weakness I have for animals. Had I seen a puppy at that point, i probably would be writing a blog called “weggieboy’s blog ~ surviving retirement with one pup” or some such.
I’m sure it would have been a pup and his brother!
I think you are right! Or two sisters or one of each. With the exception of my first kitty, Freckles the grey tabby, all my pets have been male, but Freckles was such a sweet kitty, I think I probably would have given consideration for another female kitty or pup, had I been offered one.
You just called your pets “poets” — that’s cute. I’d like to read some Andy & Dougy poetry … Maybe an idea for a future post?
That’s what happens when you type by the hunt and peck method and you hit two keys at once, creating a word that spell check recognizes as a legitimate word! I hit the “p” off center and picked up the neighboring “o” at the same time, hence “poets”. If the kitty boys are writing poetry, they have yet to show any to me!
(I went back and corrected it because I am a bit compulsive about that sort of thing! Thanks for bringing it to my attention!)
Purrhaps Dougy or Andy is a poet and you just don’t know it. But in time one will show it! *read aloud to get the full effect*
LOL! Dougy is hairy enough to be a beat poet and Andy, a smaller, thinner cat, is more likely to be the next Bob Dylan, as suggested elsewhere.
Dougy the beat poet … Hmmm … I’ll have to Google “beat poetry” … Was that something beatniks in the ’50s did?
Yep! I can imagine my little furball sipping espresso, smoking catnip, and saying “like meow, kitty” or some other Kool Kat thing to the less cool squares hanging out trying to be cool!
Awww! Thank you for your compassion. Tears shared are better than tears shed alone. My heart, my home and my social media will not be the same without him. 🙁
I agree. He was a big part of The Mad Cat Lady blog, etc. You do have videos of him, however, and that (I know from personal experience) is something you will cherish more and more as the pain shifts of sadness, then remembrance. I don’t have a lot of my late Louie the ginger cat, but the only one that makes me cry these days is the one where he’s in the dryer, looks up at me and meows. That’s the only recording of his voice I have. It tears my heart out every time…
Yes, I have loads of photos from when they were little (printed, not digital) and lots of photos and videos online and a huge library of them on my computer. I don’t know how many photos and videos I have of them exactly, but it is thousands, maybe even 10s of thousands, spanning since the year 2000 until now. At least you do have that one little video of Louie, and the rest of him is inside your memories and your heart. 🙂
I am much better supplied with videos and photos of the kitty boys since I got them as kittens in 2011. I barely started taking photos and videos of Louie before he died, and I have exactly one photo of poor little Freckles, a very sweet tabby.
It’s always sad to lose a pet but after 18 years it must be like losing a part of you.
I think you pretty much captured how it affects Barbarella. I just know of Spider through her blog, yet I could barely type my condolences to her or write my blog through the tears.
It indeed feels like half my heart has been violently ripped out of my chest and there is gaping open wound there that will never heal. I know it *will* heal eventually, but it’s only been 48 hours and 25 minutes since he died and my mind and body are not ready yet for healing – even though I told myself today, it’s a new week, a new day, today the healing starts. And the next thing is I break down in tears again… gotta give it time. 🙁
I have gone through it with people and pets and it’s not easy but it does get better. I can’t say anything that will help but I wish you well.
Thank you, Charles. 🙂
That’s so sad, we’ve been through it many times and I know it’s so difficult. I did go and write a note of sympathy.
She will appreciate it very much.
So sad to lose a dear dear friend after 18 years. We all understand what she is going through.
And how. I’ve been over-whelmed when a cat I had less than two years died. I hate to think what it will be like with my kitty boys.