pet peeves

I keep a rather large corral of pet peeves. Mostly, I pet them, forget them, but some need to be whipped, beaten, exposed for the distress they cause humanity — and me!

One such pet peeve is the unsolicited appeal for money, whether for charity or some commercial scam. Yeah, the operative word is “scam”. It’s bad enough when they come for me, but I also get them for an uncle who died in summer of 1992, a father who died in November 2008, and a mother who died in January 2013.

Oh no! The car Mom stopped driving in around 1999 and she and Dad sold to me in 2005, and I traded in in 2009 fro the car I drive now has an expired warranty or one that, based on miles on the odometer surely is nearly past the three year manufacturing warranty that, well, expired in 1999. Um.

Oh no! The 1996 Plymouth Breeze Mom and Dad sold to me when they stopped driving and I traded in on a new Chevy Impala in 2009 may be past its three year manufacturer’s warranty that expired in 1999. Pardon me if I don’t feel a need to do something about that! There literally is no vehicle left to inspect or insure!

Then I imagine a personal note I want to write across the mailing, were there room: “LOOK DUMBO! IT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DISTRESSES ME THAT YOU CONTINUE TO SEND MAIL TO MY [name relative], WHO, AS I HAVE TOLD YOU OVER AND OVER, DIED [repeat date of death]. WISH AS YOU MAY, THEY’RE NO LONGER IN THE MARKET FOR [charitable giving/ products/ services]. STOP SENDING THESE MAILINGS, NOW! REMOVE [name of relative who died] FROM YOUR MAILING LIST!”

One needs to remain calm and be subtle, however, so I just write “DECEASED” on the mailing and remail it. Grrr! It needs to stop. Mark my word, if we let them conduct business from the cemetery, next the deceased’ll demand to vote!

I guarantee this same outfit will send Mom another notice about her car warranty. I will handle it with grace again — and stuff it down the gaping maw of my cross-cutting paper shredder. This pet peeve requires annihilation to be calmed.

Some pets don’t lower blood pressure….

I started to write about blog peeves I harbor but writing about pet (“petty”) peeves is an indulgence. Instead of wallowing in the madness of pet peeves I have about other peoples’ blogs, I’ll tell you what I hope to do to make my blogs more reader friendly. I mean, I worry about your blood pressure!

1. I’ll break long blocks of text into paragraphs because more often than not there are points in all text blocks that break naturally into new paragraphs.

2. I’ll post once a day most times, though some topics (my recent five-parter on pain related to shingles) start out as one post but grow into something too long to contain in one post.

3. I’ll re-edit everything I write until I simplify text into something readable. I am notorious for needlessly complex, drawn out sentences. If I can’t read it out loud without stumbling or running out of breath, a sentence is too long or complex and needs a re-edit! For example, the last sentence.

4. If I don’t have anything to tell you or share with you on a given day, I won’t post anything. It sounds obvious, and it should be if I respect you and your time!

5. I’ll use re-blogs sparingly. This is a variation on Number 4.

6. Another vice I’ll try to contain is excessive use of parenthetical asides, especially inside a sentence. Most times, a re-edit of such sentences results in clarity and improved readability of the text. Let’s take a look at Number 2, above:

I will post once a day most times, though some topics (my recent five parter on pain related to shingles) start out as one post but grow into something too long to contain in one post.

Here’s a re-edit:

I’ll usually post once a day unless I write about a complex topic that needs multiple posts. A recent example, the five-parter on pain related to shingles, started out as one post. It grew into something too long for one post, so I broke it into parts.

7. I won’t blow off reader suggestions to improve content or readability of this blog.

8. I’ll try to avoid excessive use of favorite punctuation, especially the exclamation point! [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – There! Oops. I have some work to do to get it out of my system for today.]

9. When all else fails, I’ll post a cute picture of Andy or Dougy. Better yet, I’ll post a video!

andy as baby
=(^+^)=>>>>>>>This ain’t no kitten. It’s a “pet peeve”.<<<<<<<=(^+^)=