stressed.

I’m not happy when I have to deal with money matters, yet that is my position in the family. My father and mother’s financial affairs became mine, and I strived not to be consumed in the details and twists and turns insurance companies and the Nebraska Health and Human Services put you through.

Dad was very competent in financial matters, but had macular degeneration in both eyes. He was unable to take care of their financial matters easily in the last years of his life. He managed because I was his surrogate eyes.

Mom has never been interested in her financial affairs, which means I have more to do for her than I did Dad.

Stressed. That’s how I am anymore when I work on her financial matters. Dad isn’t here to advise me. I don’t want to cause her any complications- money shortages primarily- but I feel I am inadequate to the task without Dad.

So, having taken one more step only to find there’s exactly (I hope!) one more step to move her over to Medicaid, I am not happy. Time for me is advised. Do something that clears out the cobwebs of doubt, places the strains of dealing with institutions and social welfare organizations behind me for the time being: that’s what I need!

I decide to listen to music. Not any music but music I know has the curative powers I need just now.

J.S. Bach. My first choice. I listen to Angelika Kirchschlager sing Bach arias so pure and restorative, I feel tears of joy just to listen to such mastery of a difficult repertoire. Angel indeed! Angelika Kirchschlager, with that awful German surname (!) sings with as pure a soprano voice as I’ve ever heard. This is my single most favorite CD.

You know Gamelan music is a favorite of mine if you’ve read this blog site all the way through. I listen to one from Central Java that is particularly strong on singing. Many times, in Gamelan recordings, the female voices sound forced and nasal. On this particular recording, the voices are natural (by Western standards, I suppose!) and a better match to the Gamelan players.

All I know is I’m starting to feel a bit happier. No! A lot happier!

Wow! Do I know how to pick ’em! The next CD is Bix Beiderbecke and the Chicago Cornets. 20s and 30s music played by the greatest Jazz legends of that time. Happy, bouncy music! Brilliant! My cares drift away. I don’t know if I even need the last CD to fill that spiritual void created by endless paperwork and endless regulation.

It’ll hold till Monday, that final step, as long as The Check clears by Wednesday.

What!? Get those thoughts out of your mind for now, weggieboy! It will clear, and this next “final step” will be done. No need to become stressed again!

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