balls for the Speaker

A low front moved in yesterday. My late mother, who was an elementary school teacher, noted she always knew when the weather was about to change because her kids acted up more than usual. Apparently it works using cats as your weather predictors, too:

That isn’t to say the boys were bad all day. At one point they came to me for “a little chat”. (“Un petite chat” ~ Hee! Hee! That’s a pun!)

“What’s the matter, boys. You seem upset, on edge?” I asked.

“It’s that speaker fellow. The television keeps saying he’s a nice person, but he needs some balls,” said Andy, his fuzzy little Persian face scrunched into a scowl, his whiskers cutely framing his smoochy little mouth.

John Boehner. Yeah, he does look like a nice guy!

John Boehner. Yeah, he does look like a nice guy!

“It hurts,” piped in Dougy. “We know what it’s like to need your balls and they are gone.”

The boys are empathetic, a characteristic of black Persian cats. I mean, there are people who don’t like blacks. There are people whose eyes bulge in rage once they realize “Persian” and “Eye-ranian” are the same. There are people who are allergic to cats. Then there are people who are superstitious about black cats. And there are people who want to send a few B1s and B2s across the ocean to wipe out those Persian “cats”. I’m unaware of any issues with black Persians…!

“Jeez, Andy and Dougy!” I said. “I thought you were just acting up! So you were trying to find your balls, eh?!”

“Oh yeah!” they exclaimed. “We have lots of balls we’ve lost over the months. You know the ones we really, really like, the ones our auntie gave us, that we bop ahead of us chasing them through the house like we’re playing soccer, the ones we keep losing under chairs and sofas till you find them and give them back to us…!”

The boys, by this time, were hopping up and down in excitement! Oh yes, I know exactly the balls they mean:

Wow! It even has a little bell inside! No wonder the boys love, love, love their auntie! It's a favorite toy!

Wow! It even has a little bell inside! No wonder the boys love, love, love their auntie! It’s a favorite toy!

“Well, you have several of these balls, in different colors. Are you willing to give the speaker as many as two? This is an important question because he’s playing with a whole lot of people, and he needs lots of balls if they are all going to play along with him…!”

I was a bit concerned. The boys made this incredibly thoughtful gesture, but these are a favorite toy, not to mention a gift from a much beloved auntie.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” the boys exclaimed, jumping up and down, thrashing their tails with increasing excitement and commitment to the mission to share their favorite balls with the speaker. “We don’t need to share any with that other guy, though. He seems to have lots of balls to play with.”

The cat brothers correctly guessed why this fellow's smiling: he has plenty of balls to play with, providing he doesn't lose them under chairs and sofas....

The cat brothers correctly guessed why this fellow’s smiling: he has plenty of balls to play with, providing he doesn’t lose them under chairs and sofas….

“I like the idea a lot, boys. I have plenty of postage and you have plenty of balls. Let’s send those balls to Washington today, before the blizzard hits!”

“Mrow!” purred the boys. They may be black Persian cats, but they are patriotic native born black Persian cats, no matter what Donald Trump says.


Here’s where you send your gift of balls to the House Speaker Boehner:

The Honorable John A. Boehner
United States House of Representatives
1011 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515-3508

Andy, Dougy, and I thank you!

7 thoughts on “balls for the Speaker

    • You are fortunate, Donna, to be a Singaporean doggy. You have clean beaches, lots of people who care about the welfare of the whole (including doggies and, I bet, kitties!), and a functioning government! I hate to be so cynical, but there are lots of people in our government behaving pretty much like my boys in the video. They are only two years old. Oh! I mean my cats, not the politicians! As I say, “Balls for Boehner”! And I’m not just woofing…!

    • Good girl, Maggie! It just goes to show that pit bulls aren’t bad dogs, it’s people who are mean! I bet the Speaker will appreciate the many good dogs everywhere who are this concerned for him. I mean, dogs frequently loose their balls, too, so they definitely understand the Speaker, no less than all the cats that lose their balls.

  1. Maybe all good cats should pool their balls and send them en masse to the Speaker. My Sparky has at least a dozen to contribute to a good cause. At his age (17), food and endless hours of lap time are what he most desires.

    • It’ll go a long way to dispel this false notion that cats are aloof and uncaring! I know, I know. People will say Mr. Sparky is a venerable cat who has no real use for balls these days, that it really isn’t much of a gift to give away used balls, but tell that to the Speaker, who really is in sad shape for lack of any balls, whether new, old, never been used before. Besides, age is no barrier to giving help. I bet- no, I KNOW! – Mr. Sparky would gladly serve as a petting therapy cat to bring down the Speaker’s blood pressure. “You pet me, an experienced cat, Mr. Speaker, and I guarantee your blood pressure will be that of a 10 year old before you pet me one minute! I’m an experienced cat, you know. Seventeen years and going!” Good kitty, Mr. Sparky!

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