19Jul20: how we are…

Little did I realize this odd behavior was Andy looking for his brother. It started the day Dougy died, though I didn’t know Dougy was gone yet. Andy’d found the body hours before I did. When I found it, Andy was there. He sniffed Dougy, just like he would in life. Andy still does this recliner arm vigil, and it makes me sad for him and for me.

He’s not coming from the guest bedroom, either. Or off the stacked carriers. Or off the recliner. Andy is silent, patient, hopeful. “He won’t come back, Andy,” I tell him, more for my benefit than his of course.

Some activities are normal…


…others are alarming. Andy’s shallow deep sleep breathing barely moved his chest. Holding my breath…20200716_234110

…I touched him to make sure he was alive. It’s been like that.


I intended to put Dougy’s savaged ottoman out of sight in the guest bedroom. “Not yet,” I told myself, “not yet.” 

I appreciate all the condolences from followers of the kitty boys. They were thoughtful, welcome, helpful, and a reminder that the world still holds a lot of compassionate, empathetic, nice people. Some made me cry, but all comforted me. I hope I returned to each and everyone of you who took time to send me their message of condolence and let you know your message was seen, read, and it helped. 

Dougy and Andy were a team when it came to hunting.

55 thoughts on “19Jul20: how we are…

  1. [Tears falling]. Mom and I are so late in seeing your posts about Dougy, as we haven’t been blogging much for several months. We are so sorry we didn’t visit sooner and didn’t learn until today that Dougy went OTRB. [More Tears falling]. Dougy made us happy every time we saw his photos. He felt like family and he was like my twin. I had always dreamed of playing toys with him and Andy. I am so-o pawnored that I go to know Dougy through your bloggy, Mr. Doug. I will miss my pal Dougy, furever. [Still more tears falling].

    • It was shocking and too soon. He and Andy just had their 9th birthday two weeks earlier. Lots of tears here, too. Dougy was a sweet and funny kitty boy and is missed.

  2. Unfortunately, there really isn’t any way to help animals mourn. After my husband died, Snoops and Kommando would sit one on either side of me on the sofa. I think we all helped each other

  3. I had 3 cats when one died. After sniffing the empty box, the other two looked out the window for two days straight..watching and waiting for her return. The fact Andy sniffed Dougie might make the process easier for him. Praying for you both.

  4. Dear Doug, please take it for a smile…. I am a crazy old woman! I typed this time without “D”…. in stead of dear Doug, I typed “ear Doug”… 🙂 I hope not more strange mistakes I do…

  5. We had no idea you lost Dougy. We’ve been on vacation and just got back. Sorry for your loss.
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Andy. Cherish every moment you had.
    Terrible Andy had to find the body of his brother.

    • Thank you. I am not so sure it wasn’t better that we because he had a chance to see him, dead, several times rather than just finding him missing at some point.

          • Dear Doug, it is the hardest part of having cats to lose them… You know I lost my cats too. But they were only cat in the home. But we still miss them… as if I can see him -Çılgın(Mad) and her -Surya, my Princess… never, they never gone… But to have more cats, not easy and I can almost understand you and Andy! They have feelings too… They can understand everything in home… in humans family… Before thinking myself, I think of them always… Be sure, we are with you. Please be careful about virus and stay in safe ear Doug, the news not coming good from there… In here actually nothing as it has been shown, we worry too. We stayed in homes… Love, nia

          • I am very careful about the pandemic virus, and avoid unmasked people, for example, and limit my trips outside the home to just those essential. It is an outrageous situation here, a travesty of poor leadership and not standard way of dealing with safety. Yes, the decision to get another cat has to be acceptable for both Andy and me. That’s why I need space and time to make my decision.

          • Dear Doug, this is so nice, I mean your decision. I hope and wish Andy accept new one too… If you ask me, it should be a kitten… Kitten almost accepts Andy,…. Good Luck dear Doug, I know how crazy world now, especially with the leaderships!!!! İstanbul still at the top! I am same as you. Staying at home… have a nice day, Love, nia

          • I know I would enjoy a kitten, though at my age and with my health issues, I would worry about dying before the kitten. I arranged for Andy and Dougy to go to someone were I to die or have to go into a care center while they were still alive. Placing one cat would always be easier than placing two, but I wanted the kitty brothers, who’d been together there whole lives, to get to be together after life with me if things turned out that way.

            Anyway, I haven’t decided one way or another if I will get another cat. As you know, I observed my kitties closely for this blog, so have a good understanding of what Andy’s normal behavior is. If I feel he is ok as a single cat, I will let him have the peace and quiet of having the whole apartment and me to himself. If he acts like he is unable to adjust to being a single cat, I will have to give serious thought to another cat, probably an older one.

          • You are thinking exactly right dear Doug, be sure I am thinking same problems for my life too… It is the hardest part… What will be to them? Anyway, just be sure about this my thoughts and my love with you both, Blessing and Happiness to you both, love, nia

          • Thank you! I know you are dealing with many of the same stresses as I, and I hope we soon see an end to them!

    • Andy and I are adjusting. We played Birbug and toy today, and video cat games yesterday.. He still looks for his brother, but he still eats and drinks, pees and poops, sleeps and plays kitty games. I think he (and I) are getting along fine, but we both miss Dougy.

  6. I have seen the shallow breathing, or what looks like no breathing thing, sometimes here with the older kitties. Scares the daylights out of me.

    We share in your joy of all the good memories, and grieve with you in your sorrow. Time will ease the pain. Leaving the ottoman in place for now sounds like a good thing. You will know when it is time to move it.

    I agree with Roadtirement, grabbing a frame of the two kitties in the hunting video would make a great photo to keep. I am envisioning Dougy, Freckles and Louie at the Cat’s Meow Celestial Bar, drinking a catnip wine toast to you and Andy. Dougy may have even put a fly in his drink for old times sake.

    • Kristina, Andy searches for Dougy in all the familiar spaces, too. It is part of his grieving process. He even let out a little yowl he used to use to call Dougy to play a game they invented. That definitely made me cry because it was the yowl, just softer than usual, like he knew Dougy wouldn’t come running.

  7. Just gutted for you both at Dougie’s sudden passing. Loss is such an empty place, yet filled with so many memories. I hope you both get through the grief as well as possible. Heartfelt hugs, Doug, to both you and Andy! ❤️

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